Beauty

I was thinking about this whole struggle we women have of defining ourselves OUTSIDE the context of beauty, and why that's so important for some of us and not for others. I then thought about how, particularly in Catholic schools for girls, "vanity" is labeled a sin. Why? No one apparently knows. I will say that I think it's alright to teach girls (and boys) not to overly-value some female students and undervalue others based on their looks/clothes/etc. Yet, when that lesson gets firmly taught, the principle goes out the window when students start comparing grades. This is one reason I'm against students ever knowing what their own (or each other's) grades are until they are adults - it's too easy to hang their self-esteems on those grades, particularly if they had to work really hard just to get a C on something. Those A students often don't complain of this being a problem, mainly because the school-work was so simple for them that they didn't really have to try - they just got everything right, simple as that. They didn't waist a lot of hours on some project, put all their brains into it, just to have it fail or get a low grade or whatever. They didn't really have much of a chance to think of themselves as stupid, which goes straight to the heart of a little kid when they do think this of themselves.

Anyway, the issue I'm mainly focussing on tonight is basically the question "What's wrong with being beautiful?" I dealt a lot with that in It's OK to be a Woman. But there are some unanswered questions, such as "Why do women find (or not find) their value in what they look like?" and "Should a woman work hard to be beautiful?"

So, the first question is not so easy to answer. Different women would likely answer it differently. I'll answer it for myself. Until I got to school, I didn't care what I looked like. Mom made a lot of fuss over me, trying to turn me into some china-doll, but other than that weekly bother, I really didn't care. I enjoyed playing outside, getting dirty, digging for worms... In fact, other than kids calling me fat and making fun of my last name in school, and the fact that my grades were steadily heading south, I didn't really notice that there was anything about my apprance that could stand improvement until 3rd grade. Holly and Sarah were these two girls in my mixed-grade class (they were 4th graders), and they were all made up, dressed up, etc. I have NO idea where they got their clothes, though I suspect Nordsrom's and Macy's. They did up their faces like little sky-blue-eye-lidded teenie-boppers, and they were the happiest girls in the whole room. They were popular. They were envied. They had all the fun and even little Craig, a "bible-boy" type of kid obviousely had a crush on them both! They were valued. Or were they?

I'm noticing for the first time tonight, as I think back on those two, that until the day they both came into our classroom all made up like that, no one really knew them and no one cared to. They had both come off as being a bit snobbish in the past, and so no one but Holly and Sarah wanted to be friends with Holly and Sarah. They were the only ones who valued each other as people, mainly because they didn't value anyone else as people. I'm now realizing that nothing really changed, as far as their "intrinsic value" (thanks, Erik, for teaching me what that really means, and for showing me that I really DO have it) in other people's eyes was concerned. They were the same people they had been before, it was just that now they had a "tag line" that drew their friendship-customers "in." They had looks, something the rest of us didn't have. And we wanted it. I know I did. Why? Because I saw them and thought "They have more value than I do - just look at how everyone is treating them vs. me! They must be more important than me." I'm so sorry to say this, but this DID happen in a private "Christian" setting. I should never have been allowed to think such a thing: I should have been TRAINED early on to KNOW, in my HEART (not just my head), that I am SUPREMELY LOVED, AS I ALREADY AM, by the GOD who Made me, Holly, Sarah, Craig, and everyone else too. Instead, I was taught, both at home and at school, that beauty equaled intrinsic value, and I was sunk.

I think I'm not the only one to go through this. I know that millions of women around the globe struggle daily to attain some worth, some value, SOMETHING to call their own that everyone else wants a piece of but can't have! We WANT to be QUEENS! Not that we want mindless subjects dutifully serving us without their hearts being in it, but we DO want to be Valued :D In all honesty, I think men want the same thing. I think this IS a human trait, not a gender trait. do men have vanity? You bet. It just comes in other forms. Guys compare, um, I can't say that on the www! But they do, and you know what I mean there. They also compare how many women they've dated, how much money they make, what kinds of cars they drive, or bikes they ride, etc. Sometimes they actually compare X-box games! Anything to find that one has more value than the other...

Why in the world is this? I think it's so simple, it's easy to miss: we WANT to be Valued by God. We want to KNOW what it FEELS like to be Loved. And we are willing to do just about ANYTHING to attain this, when we don't know that we ARE Loved, ARE Valuable, ARE "good enough." A N Y T H I N G. The truth is, that until we really KNOW what it's like to experience this, we really are a bunch of self-centered emotional hoars, all selling our souls to the lowest bidder... Not just out spirits/hearts, but our bodies as well. Most of us turn to dating/sex to find that value. I know that I struggle to turn only to God and not to my friendships, to find that value. Silly me! He's the only One who DOES Love me perfectly and Value me Infinetly more than any other human being can! It's a heart knowledge, and that's all I can say about that. No, my heart is not perfect - yet He HAS worked to put that knowledge into my heart anyway, and I've been willing to accept/recieve this.

Should men or women work their butts off in order to be valued? We often find it easy to look down on those we consider lazy. Why? We're jealous. We see them not working their fingers to the bone, we see ourselves doing just that, and we see that our lives aren't really all that better than theirs, in fact sometimes a lot worse than theirs, and we just get mad. We feel stupid for working that hard. I think that's a good thing. Gasp! I know, what a shock. Well, it's true: we DON'T need to work our butts off every day to try to be as good as, or better than, other people. We don't need to try to be more likeable. We just need to be ourselves and let God do what He's going to do in and through us, and stop worrying about whether we're doing the right thing or not. WE can't do the right thing anyway! So, who cares about that? Let God worry about it! As long as a person is open to God, then why should that person worry about whether or not what they're doing is right? Why should they worry about what they look like?

I noticed something about Leslie's favorite picture of Laura. Yes, she's beautiful! SHE is beautiful. Not her bandenna (though it's cool), not her hair-style (though I love it), not the color of her eyes (I've always been jealous anyway :p), etc. LAURA is beautiful! That picture might show the random passer-by yet another beautiful picture of yet another woman, but to those who KNOW Laura's spirit, God's Spirit within her which is Married to her own Forever, it's LAURA. She has an intrinsic beauty that goes far beyond "skin deep" and really, that's what counts. Her value is within herself!

Recently, Erik proved to me beyond a shadow of a doubt just how Valuable I am. I have always struggled to really beleive that there's anything about ME that anyone would like. Not anymore. Thank YOU, Erik, for BEING who YOU are inside. Thank you for letting God shine through you!

Thank YOU God, for being the Coolest Dude in the Universe ;) Thank you for Marrying me, for Guarding, Guiding, Protecting, and Loving me, and for Proving MY Value and Worth to you, all along ;X