It's OK to be a Woman

Alright. I was raised a Tom-boy, devalued for not being "girly" (pretty) enough and later devalued for not being "technical" (boy-like) enough. Overall, I was just generally devalued for being me. Well, God Loves me for who I am, I now have friends who Love me the way I am, and I've started learning who I am as a person, and really defining myself in that light - and why wouldn't I Love the woman that God Himself is Creating within me? I've most recently been faced with the challenge of defining myself as a woman, not just as a generic person. It's been easy for me to not really concern myself with being "feminine" in the past because to try and figure that out in today's modern day and age is really rather difficult. This is a huge deal, because of all the womens-lib stuff vs. traditional conservatism vs. what I'll term as "funky" (all that wild stuff women pick up on from other cultures, traditions, and countries which do not follow traditional American standards for women).

What ARE the differences between myself and men, as far as who I am inside? I'm still not entirely sure, because the more I get to know different men and women, the more I realize just how much we really do have in common (internally). We all want to be loved, and to be loving, reach our goals, etc. What about who I am as a person sets me apart? I'm still trying to figure that one out, though I will say that my natural aversion to gory situations may be one major difference. I HATE blood. Obviousely another difference is that at least for occasions where I feel like wearing a dress, I really get into it and love designing really nice dresses. My baptismal dress was a bit odd because the whole point was that it was made to get wet, but other dresses I've designed in the past are really stylish and nice.

One thing I've discovered is that I actually enjoy at least one "feminine" activity: painting my nails! Angie shared this time honored ancient tradition with me yesterday, and I've had quite a lot of fun trying different colors, combinations, etc. The thing is, it's not because women are somehow "supposed" to do this that I enjoy it so much -- it's simply because it's fun, creative, artistic, colorfull... Whatever. If I saw a heterosexual man with painted nails in this country, I might probably still take a double take, but really, I can't say that I'd laugh or condemn him. In truth, I'd be more likely to ask him what his favorite colors are and if he wanted to do my nails sometime (if he were any good at it)! Somehow, I'm just able to see beyond the gender-issues and see nail-painting for what it really is - an art and a science that should not be so easily neglected. I hope to get better at it. I just really got into it, so I'm not that great at it yet (I have done this once or twice before, but really it was just because my female friends wanted to paint my nails to make me more girly - it had nothing to do with my doing this for myself because I wanted to).

So, without further adu, here is a shot of my toes all painted up with different colors ;)



I got a shot of my fingers that's ok, though I don't like the lighting and focus. Ah well, here it is: