On the other hand...

I just Googled "Body Image" to see what I'd find on the internet about it. I realized some interesting things which I've suspected were true for a long time.

1. It's assumed that women are supposed to worry about their outward appearance. Men are hardly at all included in this assumption.
2. It's assumed that anyone interested in "body image" is someone who MUST of course be suffering from some dire eating dissorder that needs IMMEDIATE desperate attention.
3. The ADA didn't seem to have anything to say about it that showed up on the Google search.
4. Nothing was mentioned about how such things as clothes, hair, and even make up can alter a person's appearance signifigantly to either add or remove a few pounds. Some women haven't seen their full length body image with or without makeup, a different style of clothes, or a different hair style in so many years that they don't realize what they really look like with different styles.
5. Nothing was mentioned about how it's important to work on one's inner issues and beauty before worrying about what they look like in the first place, either to themselves or others.
6. God had nothing to do with anything that came up in the Google search. Um, don't the world religions care about (women) who deal with these issues daily because they are told that they are supposed to deal with them?
7. It's assumed that men only want Barbie-dolls for one night stands and only want "homely" types of women as wives.
8. I've personally noted that in our society, it's usually assumed that every woman should want to get married and yet be a Barbie-doll type who happens to want to bear children, dress like a man for work, drive a mini-van and spend the majority of her time shopping or eating out in resteraunts that serve high-cal foods in over-sized proportions... How does that match up with the last observation from the Google search I just ran? And, um, how is this supposed to make sense again???

I am a woman. I'm not superwoman. I'm 5' 2" and 184 lbs. I want to marry and have kids some day, and would like to have a career as well, and I AM more comfortable in pants than in a dress or skirt! But I'm also single and learning to ENJOY this time in my life. No, I'm NOT willing to stress myself out by trying to bend over backwards for some church organization who wants to torture me into doing all their manual labor in the children's department somewhere because I don't have kids of my own, as if I'm supposed to always have something to do with kids merely because I'm female. NO, I don't hate kids. I want kids - someday. But honestly, I'm learning that there IS life outside of the "kids and kaboodle" lifestyle that both men and women in this world assume that I should want to have right now.

Recently, I've been winding down a bit, taking personal time to rest and reflect on my life (for the last couple days or so), and deal with some old pain that needed to be dealt with away from everyone else. So, the last couple of days have not been so enjoyable, though I've gotten through them rather well, all things considered. But in the last oh, week or two, I've really ENJOYED not being tied down to any man or kid(s) or whatnot. I can do what I like, I don't have to worry about revolving my whole life around a future husband who has not showed up in my life yet. At my age, it's rediculous to worry about such things. In my early 20s, it was more reasonable as it was more likely to happen back then (as far as I knew at the time). Now, it just really doesn't matter - for all I know, I may not meet him for 30 more years! That's an extreme and hopefully at least a slight exageration, but it makes my point. Should I worry about him for the next x number of years while he runs around with God knows who living God knows what kind of life?

Screw it. There's really no point or purpose in that. My life is NOT on hold for him. Put another way - he had his chance before to show up in my life, and God has not chosen to allow that to happen, so there's no point in waiting around. I'm not talking sexually here! I'm talking about living my life the way I want to without worrying about how it will or won't affect, oh say, the finances, or what kind of abode I choose to live in, or whatever. The last decision I made that included "him" was what kind of bed to buy because my old twin bed was worn out after 17 years of use. That's it. That man, whoever he is, is CUT OUT OF THE DEAL on all other decisions I make until I meet him. Mom must be boo-hooing by now, lol! I no longer live within the parameters of the figment of her imagination about how my life was supposed to be lived, as if I screwed up somehow just because my life didn't turn out that way. I'm tired of crying over a life she wishes I'd had, and that she superimposed onto me, making me wish that I had had. That's not my life - not right now anyway. It's time I accepted the way my life is and just moved on. I would rather just enjoy my life as it is and live it to the fullest extent possible. I don't say this out of reacting to my life in pain or anger! The whole point is that I'm focussed on learning to not be upset just because my life didn't turn out this way or that! That's not to say that I think I won't wed someday. It just means that I've been put through FAR TOO MUCH regarding men, romance, marriage, etc, to honestly give a damn about any of it anymore. It'll happen when it happens, and until it does, I really just don't care anymore. Perhaps that doesn't sound terribly romantic of me. Oh well. I think my husband will understand, and will probably agree with my decision and my reasons for it. Why in the WORLD would he want me to continue being tortured by comparing my life to what it "could have been"? That's not Loving. So, hubby, whereever you are, screw you until I meet and later marry you -- and then I will ;)