Gasp!/Trouble with Purity, Part II
Ok, so in Gasp! Part I, I mentioned how I was learning that sex is a metaphore for the relationship that God has with His Beloveds... And in The Trouble with Purity, I touched a lot on the fact that good outward behaviors/appearances don't cleans the soul and how living from one's HEART is better by far for one's spirit than merely living out a dry, rule based existance where love is squelched in the face of long hours of free child-labor on a family farm.
More recently, I've been faced with the reality that sooner or later, I WILL be having sex with the man I'll wed. I've always known this, yet somehow certain realities about "the deed" hadn't really hit me until about a week ago. I decided to go get some real "sex ed" from OSU's "Spot" site, and though I'm GLAD I did that, um, well, I think I'll just go be a nun now ;)
This morning, I felt that my Avatar for my Instant Messanger, an enamel heart, wasn't what I wanted at the moment to express how God has my heart, so I Googled "Love" and went to the images area. I found a really cool picture that's the cover of a Catholic book on chastity, Pure Love. I may or may not use it. Anyway, the point is that it's target audiance IS someone like who I used to be up until the Purity Movement came into my life (this was just one step in the right direction though). When I finally understood that even having kissed a man who I didn't wind up married to WAS a form of adultery (what difference does a ring make? It was STILL being romantically involved with men who aren't my husband, which is the real point here), I decided that I wouldn't kiss anyone again until my wedding day. What's the reasoning behind this? Last time I tried saving the whole package deal for my husband, I wound up giving most of it away after getting engaged to the wrong man!
That's where I've lived for several years now - afraid to kiss anyone for fear that it wouldn't be the right man. Well, that and how kissing really DOES make me want to pretty much do EVERYTHING -- it doesn't exactly encourage me to save my virginity for marriage (though that above mentioned "sex ed" certainly does)! I recently wrote an email about the woes of everyone treating romantic kissing lightly in our society, and the reply I got hit me over the head with something I'd not really come across before, "I believe there are two kinds of kissing between two lovers. One that leads to cuddling, the other that leads to sex." In my past experiences, ALL kissing had led me to want to push the limits. Still, this gave me something to contemplate.
None of this had dealt with the issue of my heart though. My heart - certainly it IS more important than my lips, correct??? Who cares if I've kissed this man or that - what's important is who owns my heart. I used to think that I was meant to give my heart to only one man, my future husband. I had NO idea that God IS my Real and Great Husband, and that I was made for HIM, not for some puny little human being who might have a great and Godly charictor, but who also is merely human. So, how does God fit into my Love Life? First of all, He IS my Love Life! Secondly, He'll TELL me who my human husband is when it's time for me to know that (so the question of who I'll wed and who I won't will be off the table), and thirdly, He'll Live inside the man He's chosen for me to wed, and so I know that neither I or that man will WANT to do anything that God Himself doesn't desire us to do! And that includes emotionally, not just physically.
But is courtship with my human husband, who is God's choice for me AND has God Living in his heart, supposed to be all about what we DON'T do/feel? Honestly, how much sense to does that make? I've learned something in the last year: IT'S OK TO *LOVE someone of the opposite sex who you aren't married to, and in this case, aren't going to marry at all. Why is that ok? Because God = Love. It's ok to "God" someone ;p Meaning, it's OK to feel a connection with a fellow Christian that goes deeper than mere fellowship, to be the Gospel to them when God works through you for that purpose, to point them to Him as the only One they can Rely on... It's OK to want what's best for them and their happiness. It's OK to celebrate the commited Love that the both of you share because it was GIVEN to you by God. Gasp! It's even OK to hug with them! And that's all just in the name of God given friendship between members of the opposite sex!
Shouldn't romance between a man and woman who God has brought together for the purpose of forming a Complete Picture of who He is, be deeper than that? On the emotional level, and the Spiritual level, it's about one half of God's heart being shared with the other half. From the moment that I know who my human husband is onward, I know that there WILL be a certain "knowing" between him and myself about the purpose that God has had in bringing him and myself together. And that purpose WILL BE LOVE. So, well, there goes the "emotional purity" thing, right? Yet how is it "impure" for God to look through one heart, see Himself in another heart, and bring both hearts to a new state of Love for each other that each had drempt of but neither had known until that point in time? And so, in fact, the DENIAL of such Love, because it is Godly Love, would be IMPURE! So, yes, there SHOULD be real, romantic, cherishing Love between a man and woman who God has explicitely brought together for THE PURPOSE of marriage.
Oh, I forgot to mention: I won't "date" or "court" anyone again until God tells me it's time (and who, etc.). And when He does this, I won't have to worry about trying to make sure that "Joe X" has a great charictor, is from a nice home, is from a particular religion, is a virgin, hates football and can cook... All that "stuff" that mommy and daddy tought us all to worry about, right along with looking both ways before crossing an empty street... Why won't I worry about these things? Because GOD SAID SO is good enough for me (though I've come to learn that this isn't the only reason for marriage, and CAN be easily misunderstood, yet even that works out to His Glory in the end). Who am I to question God's purposes? If God made it more than abundantly clear that this was His will, I'd marry ANYONE He chose for me and told me to marry, regardless of how stupid it might look to others who love me but don't understand that God's Love is above their own, and His ways are not their ways.
Even if it seemed completely wrong to them, I'd hold Abraham up as an example. Is attempted murder a sin? (OT) Is hating a sin? (NT). I know Abraham didn't hate Issaac, but I'm making a point here. Some would say "Abraham didn't actually go through with it, so it wasn't sin." That's splitting hairs, so let's split them where their really weak: hatred is as bad as actually killing someone. So yes, attempted murder MUST be a sin, because that's considered to be a worse sin than merely having hateful feelings for someone, right? So, without the "inside story" I'm sure that Abraham knew that even attempting to kill his son (and he WAS planning to go through with it, in Faith that God could bring Issaac back to life if needbe) was something that would be considered sinful. Yet, did Abraham sin in doing this? No. Why? Because God TOLD him to. Who's the Creator of all Laws, anyway? The Bible translators? Moses who wrote about Abraham? Abraham himself? No. God. If God makes the rules, He can do what He wants to with them, and He's STILL God!
Now, as for the physical. That is a tricky subject, and I by no means wish to set a rule here. I will touch on three things though:
*Note that in this case, Love is written about platonically, not romantically. Sheese - it's sad when you live in a society where you actually HAVE to explain that one.
More recently, I've been faced with the reality that sooner or later, I WILL be having sex with the man I'll wed. I've always known this, yet somehow certain realities about "the deed" hadn't really hit me until about a week ago. I decided to go get some real "sex ed" from OSU's "Spot" site, and though I'm GLAD I did that, um, well, I think I'll just go be a nun now ;)
This morning, I felt that my Avatar for my Instant Messanger, an enamel heart, wasn't what I wanted at the moment to express how God has my heart, so I Googled "Love" and went to the images area. I found a really cool picture that's the cover of a Catholic book on chastity, Pure Love. I may or may not use it. Anyway, the point is that it's target audiance IS someone like who I used to be up until the Purity Movement came into my life (this was just one step in the right direction though). When I finally understood that even having kissed a man who I didn't wind up married to WAS a form of adultery (what difference does a ring make? It was STILL being romantically involved with men who aren't my husband, which is the real point here), I decided that I wouldn't kiss anyone again until my wedding day. What's the reasoning behind this? Last time I tried saving the whole package deal for my husband, I wound up giving most of it away after getting engaged to the wrong man!
That's where I've lived for several years now - afraid to kiss anyone for fear that it wouldn't be the right man. Well, that and how kissing really DOES make me want to pretty much do EVERYTHING -- it doesn't exactly encourage me to save my virginity for marriage (though that above mentioned "sex ed" certainly does)! I recently wrote an email about the woes of everyone treating romantic kissing lightly in our society, and the reply I got hit me over the head with something I'd not really come across before, "I believe there are two kinds of kissing between two lovers. One that leads to cuddling, the other that leads to sex." In my past experiences, ALL kissing had led me to want to push the limits. Still, this gave me something to contemplate.
None of this had dealt with the issue of my heart though. My heart - certainly it IS more important than my lips, correct??? Who cares if I've kissed this man or that - what's important is who owns my heart. I used to think that I was meant to give my heart to only one man, my future husband. I had NO idea that God IS my Real and Great Husband, and that I was made for HIM, not for some puny little human being who might have a great and Godly charictor, but who also is merely human. So, how does God fit into my Love Life? First of all, He IS my Love Life! Secondly, He'll TELL me who my human husband is when it's time for me to know that (so the question of who I'll wed and who I won't will be off the table), and thirdly, He'll Live inside the man He's chosen for me to wed, and so I know that neither I or that man will WANT to do anything that God Himself doesn't desire us to do! And that includes emotionally, not just physically.
But is courtship with my human husband, who is God's choice for me AND has God Living in his heart, supposed to be all about what we DON'T do/feel? Honestly, how much sense to does that make? I've learned something in the last year: IT'S OK TO *LOVE someone of the opposite sex who you aren't married to, and in this case, aren't going to marry at all. Why is that ok? Because God = Love. It's ok to "God" someone ;p Meaning, it's OK to feel a connection with a fellow Christian that goes deeper than mere fellowship, to be the Gospel to them when God works through you for that purpose, to point them to Him as the only One they can Rely on... It's OK to want what's best for them and their happiness. It's OK to celebrate the commited Love that the both of you share because it was GIVEN to you by God. Gasp! It's even OK to hug with them! And that's all just in the name of God given friendship between members of the opposite sex!
Shouldn't romance between a man and woman who God has brought together for the purpose of forming a Complete Picture of who He is, be deeper than that? On the emotional level, and the Spiritual level, it's about one half of God's heart being shared with the other half. From the moment that I know who my human husband is onward, I know that there WILL be a certain "knowing" between him and myself about the purpose that God has had in bringing him and myself together. And that purpose WILL BE LOVE. So, well, there goes the "emotional purity" thing, right? Yet how is it "impure" for God to look through one heart, see Himself in another heart, and bring both hearts to a new state of Love for each other that each had drempt of but neither had known until that point in time? And so, in fact, the DENIAL of such Love, because it is Godly Love, would be IMPURE! So, yes, there SHOULD be real, romantic, cherishing Love between a man and woman who God has explicitely brought together for THE PURPOSE of marriage.
Oh, I forgot to mention: I won't "date" or "court" anyone again until God tells me it's time (and who, etc.). And when He does this, I won't have to worry about trying to make sure that "Joe X" has a great charictor, is from a nice home, is from a particular religion, is a virgin, hates football and can cook... All that "stuff" that mommy and daddy tought us all to worry about, right along with looking both ways before crossing an empty street... Why won't I worry about these things? Because GOD SAID SO is good enough for me (though I've come to learn that this isn't the only reason for marriage, and CAN be easily misunderstood, yet even that works out to His Glory in the end). Who am I to question God's purposes? If God made it more than abundantly clear that this was His will, I'd marry ANYONE He chose for me and told me to marry, regardless of how stupid it might look to others who love me but don't understand that God's Love is above their own, and His ways are not their ways.
Even if it seemed completely wrong to them, I'd hold Abraham up as an example. Is attempted murder a sin? (OT) Is hating a sin? (NT). I know Abraham didn't hate Issaac, but I'm making a point here. Some would say "Abraham didn't actually go through with it, so it wasn't sin." That's splitting hairs, so let's split them where their really weak: hatred is as bad as actually killing someone. So yes, attempted murder MUST be a sin, because that's considered to be a worse sin than merely having hateful feelings for someone, right? So, without the "inside story" I'm sure that Abraham knew that even attempting to kill his son (and he WAS planning to go through with it, in Faith that God could bring Issaac back to life if needbe) was something that would be considered sinful. Yet, did Abraham sin in doing this? No. Why? Because God TOLD him to. Who's the Creator of all Laws, anyway? The Bible translators? Moses who wrote about Abraham? Abraham himself? No. God. If God makes the rules, He can do what He wants to with them, and He's STILL God!
Now, as for the physical. That is a tricky subject, and I by no means wish to set a rule here. I will touch on three things though:
- Though I'm contemplating the concept of "kissing that leads to cuddling" I'm still not comfortable with it because I don't beleive that I'd be comfortable with the idea of being THAT close to someone who has not yet actually and legally married me. I think I would be very tempted to go down paths I should not go down. Why shouldn't I go down those paths? Not because they would be "sinful" paths (see below) but because, if sex did take place (though I do doubt it would happen (see the Spot above)), it would be something that would both risk pregnancy at a time when that would be devistating, and it also would cause us both to wish we had waited for our honeymoon. Why's that? Simply put, I know I've dreampt of having a certain kind of honeymoon all of my life, and I can't help but think that God has a man in mind for me who genuinely DOES want the same thing and who would prefer not to do anything that would cause either of us to be tempted to risk loosing out on that opportunity. That man will be "Jesus to me" because Jesus will be Living in His heart. He'll geniunely LOVE ME.
- God WILL lead me to the right man who will have HIM in his heart, and so regardless of what happens or doesn't (emotionally or physically) there will be no sin, nor will there be pain involved, because God doesn't lead people to cause each other pain (the wrong kind, that is). Everything God DOES cause leads people to Him, and a greater understanding of His Love for them.
- God WILL lead me to the right man who will have HIM in his heart, and I already have HIM in my heart, and so neither of us will be driven in our hearts to do anything that's wrong, and in fact, our hearts (God's home) will not ALLOW us to do anything that's wrong.
*Note that in this case, Love is written about platonically, not romantically. Sheese - it's sad when you live in a society where you actually HAVE to explain that one.
posted by Caroline Talita Ishshah | 1:38 PM
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