Trust Factor: The Discipleship Code
Ok. The title is punny. Deal with it.
Last Friday, when I made a concious decision to Forever trust in Erik's friendship, something that I had not intentionally chosen before that (though I had chosen to trust him the week before on a semi-perminent basis). Since then, wow. It's astounding. I have ZERO fear of almost everything and everyone! Yes, I went through something like this when I accepted God's "Proposal" for Oneness, last fall and later at my Baptism, last March, but somehow, actually being able to hand a letter to someone you trust, give them an oath of that trust, and share a moment that says "this is for real"... I needed that. Also, it's actually a little less scary to finally accept it that God Loves you, when you've heard about it, even in misguided ways, in church all your life. It was MUCH scarier for me to realize that because of God's Love in Erik's heart for me, everything Erik has personally gone through for me, and because he has shown me that he enjoys being around me - I can actually trust that Erik, a regular human being, a male human being, would always Love me. He'll not only always be my Spiritual brother, but he'll always be my brother who wants the best for me, and will do anything he can to make sure that happens! Believe me - it was incredibly hard for me to let go of all my fears about being unlovable and just finally accept it that, hell or highwater, Erik will always be there for me.
No, this isn't meant as an extension of my Livagie for him. I will admit that it's kinda hard not to write this that way though, because of the impact our friendship has had on my personal Spiritual growth, and that it always will have. I will say here that there really is no way to separate out the friendship I have with Erik from the Relationship I have with God, at least not completely. And that's part of what I want to write about - Discipleship. It's not just a fun little thing to do to pass the idle hours away on Sabbath. It's a 24/7 job. It's being a real Family, under God, with God leading and directing you and everyone else Himself. It's allowing the Holy Spirit to work in and through you, to help you make the right choices and do/say what God wants, as you interact with those around you, including others like you, who are in submission to Him. While this was already happening on it's own, to some extent, it's something I had to actively choose before it's full effect could be truly felt in my heart and mind and life. I actually HUGGED mom the night before last! She looked like she could use a hug. I wasn't afraid of her, and I sincerely meant it when I did this. If that's not an effect of the trust factor, I don't know what is :)
That leads me to the other thing I wanted to write about: the effect of trust, in this case, in friendship with someone else who is sincerely lead by God in his heart. Ok, I can ask for anything without being afraid of being met with hatred for the request. I can be myself without fear of no one Loving me when all is said and done. I can land in the hospital and know I'll always get a visit or a phone call from at least one person, and that the phone call would only replace the visit if it weren't possible for the visit to happen. I can argue about whether or not I'll owe Erik brownies (long story), and know that I'm Loved and accepted at the end of the day. I can tell Erik anything, and know that I'll be bombarded with his and God's Love, and that everything's going to be ok. I can trust. Forever.
Does this mean that Erik is somehow perfect, or that he thinks I'm perfect? No. It means that I know, bottom line, that he Loves me and wants what's best for me. It doesn't matter if he and I don't always understand each other's words. It doesn't matter that neither of us is perfect, or that we don't always agree. What matters is that we show God's Love, and our own love, to each other, respecting each other, enjoying each other's company, sharing each other's burdons, etc. We really ARE friends! Yipeee! And it's a Lifetime commitment to our friendship that makes this all possible. It's discipleship. It's what Jesus prayed for, that we would be One, just as He and the Father are One. It's what God wants for everyone who calls on His Name, in Spirit and in Truth.
I'm writing this partly as a response to a situation that has developed within a certain anonymous Christian group that Erik and I are well aquanted with, here in eastern Washington. I pray they will find the Unity through the Holy Spirit, rather than through themselves, that they each so desire to have. I pray that they will wait on God to act Himself, not to do their will, but to do His will, not even through them so much as to them. Yes, through them too, but really, more to them, so that they will then let Him work through them towards each other in Oneness and Love: the things that Jesus prayed they and the rest of us would have with each other, in Him.
But mostly, I'm writing this because, seriousely folks, I'm just incredibly happy! It's hard NOT to write about this :D In fact, I've continued this over in "Spiritual Journey."
Last Friday, when I made a concious decision to Forever trust in Erik's friendship, something that I had not intentionally chosen before that (though I had chosen to trust him the week before on a semi-perminent basis). Since then, wow. It's astounding. I have ZERO fear of almost everything and everyone! Yes, I went through something like this when I accepted God's "Proposal" for Oneness, last fall and later at my Baptism, last March, but somehow, actually being able to hand a letter to someone you trust, give them an oath of that trust, and share a moment that says "this is for real"... I needed that. Also, it's actually a little less scary to finally accept it that God Loves you, when you've heard about it, even in misguided ways, in church all your life. It was MUCH scarier for me to realize that because of God's Love in Erik's heart for me, everything Erik has personally gone through for me, and because he has shown me that he enjoys being around me - I can actually trust that Erik, a regular human being, a male human being, would always Love me. He'll not only always be my Spiritual brother, but he'll always be my brother who wants the best for me, and will do anything he can to make sure that happens! Believe me - it was incredibly hard for me to let go of all my fears about being unlovable and just finally accept it that, hell or highwater, Erik will always be there for me.
No, this isn't meant as an extension of my Livagie for him. I will admit that it's kinda hard not to write this that way though, because of the impact our friendship has had on my personal Spiritual growth, and that it always will have. I will say here that there really is no way to separate out the friendship I have with Erik from the Relationship I have with God, at least not completely. And that's part of what I want to write about - Discipleship. It's not just a fun little thing to do to pass the idle hours away on Sabbath. It's a 24/7 job. It's being a real Family, under God, with God leading and directing you and everyone else Himself. It's allowing the Holy Spirit to work in and through you, to help you make the right choices and do/say what God wants, as you interact with those around you, including others like you, who are in submission to Him. While this was already happening on it's own, to some extent, it's something I had to actively choose before it's full effect could be truly felt in my heart and mind and life. I actually HUGGED mom the night before last! She looked like she could use a hug. I wasn't afraid of her, and I sincerely meant it when I did this. If that's not an effect of the trust factor, I don't know what is :)
That leads me to the other thing I wanted to write about: the effect of trust, in this case, in friendship with someone else who is sincerely lead by God in his heart. Ok, I can ask for anything without being afraid of being met with hatred for the request. I can be myself without fear of no one Loving me when all is said and done. I can land in the hospital and know I'll always get a visit or a phone call from at least one person, and that the phone call would only replace the visit if it weren't possible for the visit to happen. I can argue about whether or not I'll owe Erik brownies (long story), and know that I'm Loved and accepted at the end of the day. I can tell Erik anything, and know that I'll be bombarded with his and God's Love, and that everything's going to be ok. I can trust. Forever.
Does this mean that Erik is somehow perfect, or that he thinks I'm perfect? No. It means that I know, bottom line, that he Loves me and wants what's best for me. It doesn't matter if he and I don't always understand each other's words. It doesn't matter that neither of us is perfect, or that we don't always agree. What matters is that we show God's Love, and our own love, to each other, respecting each other, enjoying each other's company, sharing each other's burdons, etc. We really ARE friends! Yipeee! And it's a Lifetime commitment to our friendship that makes this all possible. It's discipleship. It's what Jesus prayed for, that we would be One, just as He and the Father are One. It's what God wants for everyone who calls on His Name, in Spirit and in Truth.
I'm writing this partly as a response to a situation that has developed within a certain anonymous Christian group that Erik and I are well aquanted with, here in eastern Washington. I pray they will find the Unity through the Holy Spirit, rather than through themselves, that they each so desire to have. I pray that they will wait on God to act Himself, not to do their will, but to do His will, not even through them so much as to them. Yes, through them too, but really, more to them, so that they will then let Him work through them towards each other in Oneness and Love: the things that Jesus prayed they and the rest of us would have with each other, in Him.
But mostly, I'm writing this because, seriousely folks, I'm just incredibly happy! It's hard NOT to write about this :D In fact, I've continued this over in "Spiritual Journey."
posted by Caroline Talita Ishshah | 4:13 AM
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