The Godly Dating Pep Talk
I'd like to share my recent "findings" about God, people, Love, etc, in a world where secularism clashes daily with Believing in God: in the dating/courtship world. This all comes in the form of a pep-talk I wound up giving to a dear Sister of mine, who in her spirit, is so MUCH like me. I wanted to post these here, in case my Sister needs to be reminded of anything pertinent at some later date and can't get ahold of anyone to remind her. Life can be tough, and sometimes it's good to keep a list of whatever it was that made a difference. So, Sister, I hope these made and make a difference for you:
1) God LIKES you. All the time, not just when you think you're doing what He wants you to. He ENJOYS spending time in your presence, and can't hardly wait to have your full attention, so you two can spend Time Together ;)
2) God LOVES you more than your best friend, spouse, or other family members ever could. If any of these Love you a LOT, then just know that He Loves you even more! Also, if I, being imperfect and mortal Love you enough not to condemn you, then God must Love you more than me! What, am I greater than God? I think not!
3) You can't earn God's Love, nor can you unearn it: God isn't a bank account for you to deposite into and withdraw from. It's more like He's a Billion-Billionaire, and you are His spoiled brat grandbaby who He can't help but Love and give good Gifts to!
4) Agape Love always forgives, never bullies others, never says never, and accepts others the way they are...
5) Whatever annoys you about others, you can always find something worse in yourself, and God still Loves you (and them too).
6) Jesus became a murderer, theif, adulterer, liar, tax collector... And He LOVES you. Can you Love a God who became as evil as satan himself while on the cross, dying for the chance to spend all of Eternity with you? If you can Love God who became like satan, then certainly you can learn to Love yourself, as He Leads you to do so, right?
7) You aren't responsible for the choices and actions of other people. You are responsible for your own wrong choices and actions, until you realize that God placed that responsibility on Jesus' shoulders in order to set you free from bondage to guilt, depression, anxiety over what you did, so you can move on.
8) It's ok to be a woman. You don't need to be ashamed of anything at all, just because you are female! Yes, women are human beings too, just like men are. We are not somehow less capable of finding ourselves having gotten into mischeif.
9) It's ok to let that non-husband-material-party-animal-boyfriend imaginarily sit in the recliner facing the TV enjoying his lifetime of favorite-empty-entertainment, while you sit somewhere else (for real) and make your own decisions for yourself, which will affect the rest of your life, which could be 50 - 70 more years or so. Don't worry for 5 minutes about how your decisions MIGHT affect him! Is he really what you want? You'll never change him, and he's not likely to magically change all on his own, you know. (I said this because I know the guy too well to think he'll change anytime soon, and so does she. He's a sweetheart and all, but he's an overgrown kid.) Or are you willing to Trust God to bring someone into your life who, while he may not be perfect as a person, he'll have been Perfected by God? Also, are you willing to let God put a man through the process of being made just for you, and then you go and choose a guy who's not husband-material at all? This guy might last for a little while, but really, the relationship can end in 1 of 3 ways: marriage, break-up, or friendship-break-up. There is no 4th alternative in the end! If you don't want marriage (she sounded like she didn't), and don't want a break-up that leads to hatred (she sounded like she didn't want that either), then you might want to consider turning this relationship into a very casual friendship, which will allow the two of you to get to know each other better on a deeper level without everything going haywire.
10) You were willing to give up your life out of guilt. Are you willing to give up your old life for the New Life that God is offering you? If not, what in the world are you hanging onto? Why not let go of the old life while things are still not as bad as they could be, and hang onto the New Life that He'll Live in you through the Holy Spirit? Why not Trust Him to do that for you?
11) It's good to keep a list of the demons you fight, so you'll have something to remind you of the lies you've believed all this time and how you don't have to believe them anymore.
12) Nothing is worse than letting churchy people tell you what's right and wrong for you, interpreting everything for you, and guilt tripping you if you don't do things "their" way. Don't operate on their set of rules, which tend to just be about human beings trying to be perfect under their own power, rather than relying on the Holy Spirit to guide them personally. Instead, observe God's Love, observe what it's really based on, and take it from there.
13) God's Spirit is in everyone, even those who don't believe in Him, to some degree, so whatever you say or do to someone, you are doing it to Him. (No, He won't condemn you for accidentally killing a mosquitto ;) )
14) You ARE worth more than anything God ever made in the ENTIRE UNIVERSE, just as you are, right now, and you always will be.
15) I'll be here for you no matter what. If you do something you think I'll not approve of, tell me anyway if you want to, and I won't judge you for it, but will go on Loving you. Tell me all about the Journey as God takes you on it!
16) You KNOW that everything I've said is in the Bible: you KNOW it's all true, in your head. Now, will you Trust God to help you learn these things in your heart? Or will you turn your gaze down low, never to look and never to know, if you can give yourself completely to Him?
17) If you're willing to wait for God to do so, He'll find some way of letting you know Himself for sure who your spouse is. It might be wise to hold off from dating relationships until He does that, since they can only end in 1 of 3 ways anyway.
That's all I can remember of the pep-talk, at least of things that were said that made a difference. Hope it helps my Sister, and perhaps that it might help other people out there too.
1) God LIKES you. All the time, not just when you think you're doing what He wants you to. He ENJOYS spending time in your presence, and can't hardly wait to have your full attention, so you two can spend Time Together ;)
2) God LOVES you more than your best friend, spouse, or other family members ever could. If any of these Love you a LOT, then just know that He Loves you even more! Also, if I, being imperfect and mortal Love you enough not to condemn you, then God must Love you more than me! What, am I greater than God? I think not!
3) You can't earn God's Love, nor can you unearn it: God isn't a bank account for you to deposite into and withdraw from. It's more like He's a Billion-Billionaire, and you are His spoiled brat grandbaby who He can't help but Love and give good Gifts to!
4) Agape Love always forgives, never bullies others, never says never, and accepts others the way they are...
5) Whatever annoys you about others, you can always find something worse in yourself, and God still Loves you (and them too).
6) Jesus became a murderer, theif, adulterer, liar, tax collector... And He LOVES you. Can you Love a God who became as evil as satan himself while on the cross, dying for the chance to spend all of Eternity with you? If you can Love God who became like satan, then certainly you can learn to Love yourself, as He Leads you to do so, right?
7) You aren't responsible for the choices and actions of other people. You are responsible for your own wrong choices and actions, until you realize that God placed that responsibility on Jesus' shoulders in order to set you free from bondage to guilt, depression, anxiety over what you did, so you can move on.
8) It's ok to be a woman. You don't need to be ashamed of anything at all, just because you are female! Yes, women are human beings too, just like men are. We are not somehow less capable of finding ourselves having gotten into mischeif.
9) It's ok to let that non-husband-material-party-animal-boyfriend imaginarily sit in the recliner facing the TV enjoying his lifetime of favorite-empty-entertainment, while you sit somewhere else (for real) and make your own decisions for yourself, which will affect the rest of your life, which could be 50 - 70 more years or so. Don't worry for 5 minutes about how your decisions MIGHT affect him! Is he really what you want? You'll never change him, and he's not likely to magically change all on his own, you know. (I said this because I know the guy too well to think he'll change anytime soon, and so does she. He's a sweetheart and all, but he's an overgrown kid.) Or are you willing to Trust God to bring someone into your life who, while he may not be perfect as a person, he'll have been Perfected by God? Also, are you willing to let God put a man through the process of being made just for you, and then you go and choose a guy who's not husband-material at all? This guy might last for a little while, but really, the relationship can end in 1 of 3 ways: marriage, break-up, or friendship-break-up. There is no 4th alternative in the end! If you don't want marriage (she sounded like she didn't), and don't want a break-up that leads to hatred (she sounded like she didn't want that either), then you might want to consider turning this relationship into a very casual friendship, which will allow the two of you to get to know each other better on a deeper level without everything going haywire.
10) You were willing to give up your life out of guilt. Are you willing to give up your old life for the New Life that God is offering you? If not, what in the world are you hanging onto? Why not let go of the old life while things are still not as bad as they could be, and hang onto the New Life that He'll Live in you through the Holy Spirit? Why not Trust Him to do that for you?
11) It's good to keep a list of the demons you fight, so you'll have something to remind you of the lies you've believed all this time and how you don't have to believe them anymore.
12) Nothing is worse than letting churchy people tell you what's right and wrong for you, interpreting everything for you, and guilt tripping you if you don't do things "their" way. Don't operate on their set of rules, which tend to just be about human beings trying to be perfect under their own power, rather than relying on the Holy Spirit to guide them personally. Instead, observe God's Love, observe what it's really based on, and take it from there.
13) God's Spirit is in everyone, even those who don't believe in Him, to some degree, so whatever you say or do to someone, you are doing it to Him. (No, He won't condemn you for accidentally killing a mosquitto ;) )
14) You ARE worth more than anything God ever made in the ENTIRE UNIVERSE, just as you are, right now, and you always will be.
15) I'll be here for you no matter what. If you do something you think I'll not approve of, tell me anyway if you want to, and I won't judge you for it, but will go on Loving you. Tell me all about the Journey as God takes you on it!
16) You KNOW that everything I've said is in the Bible: you KNOW it's all true, in your head. Now, will you Trust God to help you learn these things in your heart? Or will you turn your gaze down low, never to look and never to know, if you can give yourself completely to Him?
17) If you're willing to wait for God to do so, He'll find some way of letting you know Himself for sure who your spouse is. It might be wise to hold off from dating relationships until He does that, since they can only end in 1 of 3 ways anyway.
That's all I can remember of the pep-talk, at least of things that were said that made a difference. Hope it helps my Sister, and perhaps that it might help other people out there too.
posted by Caroline Talita Ishshah | 8:17 AM
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